Mum and Dad got married on Valentine's Day in 1953. My dad said life was hard but happy as the country was still recovering from the war but the feeling of togetherness was still the essence of the community. Everyone knew everyone else and you could leave your doors unlocked. Mum still says that now. 'In my day we didn't have to lock things and everyone is getting VD now.' She makes me laugh because the connection between crime and VD isn't that obvious for me, she quite clearly means CCTV.


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Eight hundred calories for a standard packet of jelly beans, no wonder the husband left me, it's because I'm fat. I should have seen it coming though. The warning signs were all there telling me the blinking obvious, but I chose to ignore it. I just bought a bigger size when my clothes were too tight. I think I was more upset about having to buy bigger sizes than I was when he left. 


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​"Emily are you okay? You’ve fainted." I gathered something had happened as I don't normally sleep on the floor. It all comes back to me. Then the tears start.
"Mum, poor Mum, how did they do it?"
"Do what?" Dawn asks. Dawn is such a love trying to protect me from this horrible thing. I'm not even fifty and I'm an orphan.
"How did they kill my mum?" I just can't help becoming one of those over the top wailers at funerals. It is uncontrollable. It happens again. She actually slaps me!
"What the hell did you hit me for?"
"Listen to me." I try, and I have to say she has a voice of authority and the tears begin to slow and the wailing quietens down. She strokes my hair.
"Look." She points.
"Oh god it's a ghost." I feel the colour rush from my cheeks, I really can't take all this in. She gets murdered and when the police are here investigating her death she appears as a ghost. Bloody typical of my mother. She can't even die normally.

Note to Self

To buy in the UK

New book released March 2018

Andrew Milner


To buy in the USA

Emily is rapidly approaching fifty and thinks her life is just plain sailing.

When her husband leaves her for a twenty five year old and her dad dies, it leaves her facing an uncertain and lonely future.
She has two friends, Sally who is a gold digger yet hopeless in love and the pretty but dippy Dawn a police officer, who each have their own issues for Emily to deal with. On top of that her mum who is easily confused, and refers to cappuccino as Al Pacino, needs her full attention.

Just when things start to hit rock bottom she meets an Italian stallion who turns her head so far she cricks her neck. In actual fact he’s called Kevin and has probably never been to Italy, but with lessons learnt she decides that maybe the devil that she already knows isn’t so bad after all.